Well, it's been a drunken few months since I last posted. I would have a few weeks of sobriety here and there, and really started convincing myself I can control this. I can't.
I think about all of the embarrassing things I've done that I can't remember. Relationships I've strained, people I've offended and hurt.. And I want to crawl in a hole. I feel like a failure at all things life. My husband is very angry with me, rightly so, and I've finally said out loud to him that I can't control myself around alcohol and I shouldn't work at our bar anymore. I know, I'm a real genius for putting myself behind the bar as the keeper of the booze when I could easily drink myself to death, but clarity is fleeting when you're hammered.
So, one day down. The rest to go.
Thanks for your comment on my blog. You will see how many times I've tried and failed to give up drinking; it is hard. I'm only on Day 10 this time round, but I'm more determined this time, using the blog, writing posts often, reaching out. I see that you've got Tired of Thinking About Drinking blog on your blog list: have you tried the 100 day challenge? I'm doing it, and the daily accountability is helpful. Don't give up; there are lots of people in this sober blogging world who can help you, me included. Annie x
ReplyDeleteThank you for being here. It's so hard to convince yourself you want to live when all you really want to do is crawl in a hole and die. I was on the list for the 100 Day Challenge,, but when a spot opened up for me, I was too chicken to take the plunge. Plus, my drinking was totes under control!
ReplyDeleteI'm so tired of being ashamed of myself.