Day 9

I really miss driving.

Luckily, right now all of my business is taking place in my neighborhood, so I can walk to appointments, which I would do anyways. I've gotten two deals under contract since my arrest, so YAY. But, I miss prospecting, going to my office and just having that luxury. So many things taken for granted.


This will be a hard week and I will need to stay busy, regimented and focused. I knew it would be, because stopping drinking for a week for me is the usual. I've stopped for over a month before for diet reasons.


But the truth of the matter is, I don't want one glass of wine.... I want to sit in my back yard with my best friends and get fucked up. It's my favorite thing to do and I can't do it anymore. I think this week will be a mourning period for me of the life I used to lead and the fun parts... However, instead of just focussing on the fun parts, I need to remember the annoyance and disappointment in my husband's face, the embarrassment of my children, the doors I forgot to lock, the candles I forgot to burn out, the dry, brittle, bile feeling of my body and the taste of soot and sand in my mouth. The headaches and the cravings for shitty food. The lost motivation to take my dogs on a walk and the feeling of shame that comes from spending an entire day on the couch that was cause by alcohol abuse.

I can and will do great things with the rest of my life.

Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.