I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
Patience is a virtue I have never possessed and the lack of it in my life has always been a point of contention, not only in my relationships with others, but with myself. I'm grateful I have competent representation for my OVI, but I really want this court date to come to pass so I at least know what I am facing. The not knowing has been really hard this week. My lawyer is confident, but me? Not so much. I hope for the best and accept the worst.
However, I am ready to face this. Not once during this time have I lamented my luck, or tried to deflect responsibility. I FUCKED UP AND I'M THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ON EARTH BECAUSE IT WASN'T ANY WORSE THAN IT WAS.
Another thought I am having this morning is about the opinion of other people and how I have to stop caring. I'm part of a generation that doesn't really understand the weight younger people put on the court of public opinion, and that's okay. They can do them and I can do me. Parts of my and my husband's professional lives are always going to be subject to public scrutiny and all we can do is our best. Trying to argue or debate these people is futile and I have better things to do.
I'm off to meditate about happiness and responsibility. Hopefully Day 4 is kind to me.
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