Replacing "BINGE" with "CRINGE".

I'm a binge drinker. I can stop for months at a time and do so for "cleansing" and "diet" purposes, which is why, at 11 days after my last binge and not really getting too many triggers, I'm still terrified. I love to party and it's a part of my total "Peter Pan Syndrome" and habits of escapism. It makes the responsibilities of my adult life fade into black, and "relaxes me". It also causes very poor decision making, black outs, lost days to hangovers, physically maiming myself, embarrassing myself and my family, hurting my family, hurting my career, neglecting responsibilities and, when looking back, isn't as fun anymore as I would like to fool myself into thinking. It's a bad look and it's killing me. It has to stop and it has to stop now.